Have you ever had a moment of clarity in the midst of swirling chaos? You know the cleaning the kitchen while helping the middle with homework, while the littlest whines about needing help and the biggest grumbles about needing help and in your brain you are turning over the request for help from a co-worker earlier in the day. Oh and your husband needs you to pick something up for him, when you get a chance. Yeah, so that about sums up my life most days. And most days I feel like I’m not doing marriage, motherhood or work very well. I mean it really would suck if I just got fired from all three in one fail swoop, right? Or would it?
Every day, ok maybe not every day but at least 6 out of 7 days of the week I feel like I’m having to choose what takes priority. I am not conceited enough to say that I get it right every day. Actually most of the time I make the wrong choice. In my head and my heart I say family always comes first. But work has its way of inching its way into my personal time. Yes, sometimes I am burning the midnight oil on particular projects for my full time job. But more often than not I’m thinking about work and what I need to do or haven’t done. So while I should be present with my husband or my kids I am Instead thinking about what the heck am I going to write for my performance review, oh my gosh is it really 10:30 pm already, I’m going to be soooooooooooooooooo tired. Oh shoot, did I pack the kids snacks? Are their uniforms clean? Did my husband say he was watching a movie or was he going to bed? Clearly, not doing anything well.
I’m completely conscious of the fact that time is rapidly flying by, the days of phone calls from multiple schools for various rescue operations for my kids is coming to an end and quicker than I’d like to admit. I know that calls for an extra change of clothes because of an accident should be met with a smile. And the begging for me to stay and have lunch at school should be a no brainer. But like I said, I’m always thinking about what else I should be doing and asking is my lunch break over, will I make it back in time for my 1pm? I find myself feeling like I’m constantly caught in the middle and not doing any one thing well. So since I’ve determined that I am nowhere near perfect when these chaotic moments appear I have to tune out the fights over Barbie shoes and the request to read over essays. And literally take a deep breath and be thankful. Thankful for the big and the small. Thankful for a family who loves deeply enough to fight about Barbie shoes, and to push back about suggested essay edits. Be thankful for a husband who considers me reliable, that’s what I’ll call it, enough to run an errand and a job that values my opinion about myself. Sometimes the simple act of taking 5 seconds to breathe in the chaos and breathe out thankfulness can do the crazy lady’s brain good.
Please let me know that I’m not the only one. Share what kind of balancing act you are currently performing, are you winning or inconsistently meeting expectations? Sound off in the comments below.