I have been missing in action for a while and I think the main reason is because I must confess I’m a Saboteur. Yep, I wreck myself in big and small ways. I realize that in taking the steps to do something different this year and boldly declaring it also was a signal to myself to wreck my progress. No, I didn’t intentionally say yes I’m going to be disciplined, now self, do everything that is a direct contradiction to being disciplined. Nope in my mind I was like “Yeah! This year is gonna be different I’m about to do big things!” And then it happens. I get scared. And with fear I tend to shrink back and avoid doing the things that I know need to be done to build consistency and ultimately move forward.
I struggle to find the time for what I deem important for my personal pursuits. I make excuses or lack the will to push through the sheer exhaustion to do even small things to get me closer to the goals I’ve set. I can focus on my paid job and get things done but then at the end of the day after work is done and family obligations are sort of met. And I say sort of because, like most working mothers I feel like I’m hardly ever meeting the family obligations in the way I envision them or even in a way similar to that of my peers. So in the evenings after its quiet in the house and I have a minute to myself, a perfect time to work on personal goals, what do I do? I ruminate. I replay the day or week or year for that matter and go through woulda, coulda, shouldas and end up feeling defeated.
When I find myself beating myself up for not spending time with my husband, blogging or making a mistake at work or for raising my voice at my kids. I have to remind myself that I am in fact human and I have the ability to course correct. I can make an effort and hang out with hubby as he fixes things (he can fix just about anything-including whole entire car engines-true story!). I can start writing today. I can course correct at work. I can apologize to my kids. And when tomorrow comes I can do better. It’s not enough to just say hey today I’m going to do better. I have found that by starting the day by writing out what I’m thankful for helps me not to take my family for granted and I’m reminded to be intentional and appreciative of the time we have together. Another thing that helps is to actually quickly do a brain dump of the things I’d like to accomplish for the day be it personally or professionally these two small steps help me focus and my days don’t feel like a whirlwind of activity.
Today, we ,as always, get to make choices. Will you join me today in choosing to take ownership of your life, ownership of your feelings and self-limiting beliefs? Will you put your survival instinct brain on the shelf for a minute and allow yourself to believe that you are in fact capable of doing great things, that you already have what you need inside of you to impact the world in a mighty way. What if you are the person who can literally change the world by taking that first step towards doing that THING in the way that only YOU can do. C’mon don’t be scurred, the time is now and you can do this!
Sound off below, tell the truth are you a Saboteur? I’ll start, why yes, yes I am.